Nov. 10, 2003: Separating the wheat from the chaff

I was mildly disappointed that I didn't get any phone calls last night from potential suitors, particularly Matt or Tim. Not that I actually wanted to talk on the phone with either of them, but I'd have liked the little boost of knowing they're at least somewhat interested. I sent Matt a brief email Saturday morning (responding to one he'd sent Friday afternoon), and he replied today, asking me to write back if I have time.

Over in EH, I haven't heard from Roger since I sent my must-haves and can't-stands. It was so hot-and-heavy there for a while, with our quick-fire responses, but now nothing. He hasn't shut me down, though. How sad that I'm clinging to that. Why do I feel disappointed over someone with whom I haven't even directly communicated? Robert and I also have plateaued at stage 3. He'll probably close me out soon, but that's fine.

Icebreaker in Yahoo. He lives in Glidden (where?), and he's a NASCAR fan. He hunts and restores old tractors for fun. I guess that gives me an idea of where Glidden is—I imagine it'd be hard to work on tractors in the city or even most suburbs. His match? Well, "she must take pride in her sexuality, feel comfortable in a pair of jeans, but looks and feels good in a dress and high heels as well."

In MM, four new emails came in over the weekend, including one from New York and one from Dallas. HARMAN949 from NY, who of course has no photo, wants to know if I ever wake up really horny. What a lovely introduction. His perfect setting to meet someone for the first time is a hotel bar. How ambitious. The Dallas guy (ROBERTGOO673) has written me before and he is indeed GOO-like, plus his email says only "hi," which I think is even less than he wrote last time.

CHIMALE539 writes that my profile is interesting and that "Best in Show" is one of his favorite movies, too. "In fact all the Cohen brother's movies are very appealing to my sense of humor." Not to be too much of a bitch, but it's not a Coen brothers' movie—it's by Christopher Guest. He's 51-55 but assures me he's been with many women much younger than himself. Not appealing, friend.

NAUTORSWAN453 lives in Springfield and posts no photo. What more is there to say?

Oh, brother—just when I delete Mark's messages from my MM Inbox (again), he returns from the dead. My last message said something about how I'd be the judge of how much of a man he is "if we ever meet." He replied "OK, you can let me know," with an emoticon, of course. Forget it, buddy. If you can't pick up such an obvious cue and run with it, I don't have any use for you or this feeble exchange of one-line, non-substantive emails.

Matt asked via email when I'm leaving for Hawaii. I thought that was a good sign—i.e., maybe he'd suggest getting together before then. And he did—"we should meet up for a drink before you go." He's doing everything right, taking cues and showing initiative.

We’ve been emailing back and forth a bit—nothing too involved. He mentioned that he's interested to see if we'll have sparks, because the conversation is obviously there. As I told him the other night, I think his attitude, which is quite welcome to me, is unusual for guys. He agreed that so many guys will just drop it if sparks aren't evident on a first meet-and-greet. I like that he's what I consider more realistic, as well as willing to put a little more time and effort into seeing whether sparks might develop, instead of calling it quits immediately.

So, he's supposed to email me later to let me know which nights he's available this week. I've already told him I have plans to attend a wine tasting on Thursday night but am otherwise free (except for tonight, but I couldn't accept an invite for a drink in the same day—what would The Rules girls think?). I almost wrote him that the earlier in the week, the better the chance for sneaking in a second date before I leave for my trip. (I'd already explained that we've yet to have a first date, only an audition.) I held off, though. That'd probably be too much.

It's been a while since I've gone shopping on any of the sites, but it seems silly when I'm going out of town so soon. I'm bringing my laptop, but I can't exactly correspond with someone from Hawaii without looking like a total loser. And I know better than to think I can start up an exchange with a guy and hold his interest while I'm incommunicado for a week.

Odd email in Yahoo. He doesn't have an actual profile but instead gives a link to a photo (in which he looks older than his claimed 42—could be the beard), and then proceeds down the list of categories included in the standard profile form and provides his answers. He's a geologist and owns his own house, but he doesn't say where. He smokes if someone with him is smoking—succumbing to peer pressure at your age, John? He doesn't have kids but would like to have a family. He does nothing for me.

No action going on in MM right now, so I figured I’d take a leap and send one more email to Ed:

"Hi, Ed--I'm off to Hawaii next week but wanted to touch base and see if you might want to meet for a drink sometime. I don't usually cut to the chase like this, but so much of your profile jumped out at me. I figure it can't hurt to take a chance!
Barb"

Desperate? Pathetic? Probably, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. And really, what have I got to lose? I've been rejected so many times during this exercise that my D&D (dating and desirability) self-quotient can't dip much lower. And his profile really was striking for all the things that caught my eye:

· Willing to try new things
· Good at appreciating sarcasm
· Would like to learn more about cooking
· Wine drinker
· Values that tend to veer left
· Irritated by people who stand on escalators, suburbs other than Evanston and Oak Park, and unclosed shower curtains
· 12 years of Catholic school
· Likes brunch and films on Sundays, tennis, Frisbee, and anything involving water, as well as REM and reading
· Wants someone to do things with on Sundays and talk philosophy with over wine

Plus he's a college teacher and lives in the area. It's like I wrote it myself, to describe what I'm looking for in a match. Knowing my luck, though, he also has always yearned to be a father. OK, OK—it wasn't necessarily that bad to email him one more time but detailing how perfect he is for me—that's pretty much vaulted me over the border and full into Pathetic Land.

I received an email from an Emoder who takes an interesting approach. Although he writes in his profile that he believes the glass is always half full, his email doesn't demonstrate that perspective at all: "I'm not having any fun what so ever. In to words, this blows." Not that I don't agree at times, but that's probably not a good way to attract women.