Nov. 11, 2003: Virtually flirting

Feeling kind of in limbo this morning. Tim replied to my email of yesterday, describing his weekend and apologizing for not calling. He said (in an email he sent around 7:30pm, mind you) that he'd try to call last night, but he never called. I went out to dinner with friends but hoped to find at least one call on my Caller ID when I returned home, either from him or from Matt calling to firm up our plans to meet for a drink this week. Nada. Before I saw Tim's email, my first thought was that he probably talked to someone who knew me at MU and didn't have good things to say. Now that I see his email, I don't know what to think. He first contacted me more than a week ago and was pretty enthusiastic, but his enthusiasm appears to have waned.

In MM, Ed hasn't replied to my last-ditch effort, but he hasn't read it either. Thank you, MM Big Brother feature. In EH, Robert closed me out, presumably after finally grasping I was serious about not wanting kids. Roger has left me hanging. I wish he'd either move us to the next stage or just close it down.

I just heard from Matt, and his only open night this week is tonight and even then, he'll be in a meeting until 7:30. Getting past the Rules violation, which I don't actually care about, I'm not feeling that great, and I generally prefer earlier outings to later (how old am I that I consider 8:pm later?). On the other hand, I'd really like to get a second meeting out of the way before I leave town. I don't want to give him time to lose interest, and, if it turns out I'm not interested upon another meeting, I don't want to waste any time wondering about what might happen next while I'm on vacation.

I also just heard from Tim, asking if I'm around tomorrow night, for a phone call, I guess. He has a business dinner tonight and claims to have all-day meetings at work all week. So, if I go out with Matt tonight, I can get that out of the way, and allegedly talk to Tim tomorrow night. I guess I'll give Matt the thumbs-up for tonight.

A new email arrived in MM, from BMALE417. He's only looking to make friends, according to his profile, which also says: "A person who is single and/or involved who would like to establish a friendship. Anything beyond that would be spontaneous and unplanned." It gets weirder, though—in the email, he addresses me as if I'm a couple ("You guys sound great!") and says he is looking for a couple to hang out with him and his lady, who are a professional couple interested in adventure and spontaneity. I think we have some crossed wires (and not in the kinky way he's after).

Another email from VERYSECURE991, again asking "can we meet for dinner or drink sometime?" This is the third time I've heard from this guy, with the exact same message each time—time to block him.
***
Matt and I aren't meeting up tonight after all. He said he was afraid his meeting would run late and he's not the kind of guy to leave someone waiting in a bar for him. Honestly, I'm relieved that I don't have to go out tonight. I've gone out the past five days and long for a night off. I also don't feel at all like drinking. It struck me at first as considerate that he was worried about his meeting running over, but it wasn't long before I started thinking maybe I'm just being naïve and he's really not interested. I looked at some of his emails, though, and he specifically mentioned that he really wanted to see me again before my trip ("I do very much want to see you before you head off to Hawaii"). In a hasty decision, I emailed him that I'm eager to see him before I leave, too, so maybe a drink or a bite to eat this weekend. He seems up for that, and pointed out that it's a good sign we're both so eager to get together again ("almost a kind of spark feeling to it"). So that's where we are, and we've been emailing the rest of the afternoon.

The emails have strayed a little toward the flirty side:

Me: Have I mentioned that I like to make dinner for third dates?
Matt: Can we just call this next encounter our third date?
Me: No home cookin' for you yet. That must be earned.
Matt: So I have to earn it, eh? Well, I have my ways. Sorry, I am frisky today.
Me: Don't use up all that friskiness at work …
Matt: My friskiness rarely gets used up. Keep that in mind for future reference.
Matt: So, whacha wearing?
Me: [lapsing back into the real, overly cautious me] I work at home ... I don't dress for work. Well, not alluringly, anyway, unless you like women in running clothes and old cardigans. Sexy, ay?
Matt: Hey, trust me, running clothes and an old cardigan can be very sexy. I love women when they are dressed down. Especially ones with great bodies such as yourself.

Now, see, that's the kind of comment that makes me recoil (and not just figuratively), not out of disgust but from discomfort. I'm not offended—it's a compliment and I don't think it's particularly lecherous or anything. Thirty-six years old and I still don't know how to accept or respond to a compliment, especially regarding my looks. If I just say thank you, for example, isn't that the same thing as saying, "Why, yes, I agree. I do have a great body"? My first instinct is always to make some kind of sarcastic and/or self-deprecating remark to change the subject (“Well, clothes hide a lot. That’s why they say clothes make the man.”) or, worse, to dispute the flattery (“Yeah, right”), which is poor form, rude, and likely a turnoff to the flatterer. With email, I have the luxury of thinking about my response, but my thoughts still immediately lead me to want to crack a joke. So, I ducked the compliment:

Me: Well, that's good to know. Are you one of those guys looking for a woman who's as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt (you can substitute "baseball hat" for t-shirt here) as in a black cocktail dress?

I explained that my username is essentially an inside joke with myself about those guys. Taking him into my confidence should count for something, right?

Matt: Very nice inside joke ... I LOVE a woman in jeans with a hat on. One of the sexiest things is a woman wearing a ballcap with her hair pulled through the back. Wow. I love that.

I wonder if he loves it when the hat is merely camouflage for unwashed hair. Somehow, I clung to the ledge and resisted asking him that. Instead, I brought the exchange to an end for the day.

The difficulty I’ve had scheduling a drink with Matt and just a phone call with Tim reinforces my sense that I shouldn't bother shopping with my trip so near and Thanksgiving close on the heels of my return. Even though I'm taking my laptop, how pitiful would it look to be checking in with online dating while in Hawaii? No, better to wait and embark on a fresh start when I return.