Nov. 2, 2003: The eHarmony experience
A rainy Sunday, perfect for the day I anticipate—watching the Bears game, reading the paper, just laying around waiting for Barry to call. I'm kidding (on the square?) about that, but I do hope he calls. I should call Rob today, but I can't muster any modicum of interest. I've gone back to look at his photo, and replayed his voicemail; his voice is unappealingly soft-spoken, like he's calling from a funeral home or to confirm my spa appointment. This is horrible of me, but I'm going to end communication through the EH Web site and say I'm pursuing another relationship.
While in EH, I'm requesting communication with Dave and checking out Eddie, a new match. I also need to respond to the shorter guy in MM who dropped his desire to have kids when pressed (Jeff, I think). Oops—guess I won't check out Eddie—he's closed me out already. Ouch. Well, not really, because he indicated he's pursuing another relationship. Of course, seconds earlier, I checked the same box when I was closing down Rob, for what it's worth.
Two new emails in Yahoo. I'm immediately ready to attribute it to having re-worked my profile, but that's probably jumping to conclusions. Yep—one email is from Yahoo, alerting me that my profile changes have been approved. The other is from big_fella55779, not a promising moniker at first glance. In his email, he says he's 6'6” and 185 pounds (that seems a little on the skimpy side), is 30, lives in Valparaiso, and wants kids. That makes it easy, as does the fact that his profile isn't viewable.
Ah ha!! Thought I'd run a quick search on MM while I was in there, and Rob came up. We've achieved three stars on the Matchmeter, and he satisfies my Matchmarker. He's East Indian, makes $100,000-$150,000, and thinks he has a nice butt. He likes swing dancing, Linkin Park, and Incubus. He likes clean teeth—how unusual. Do you really have to specify that? In five years, he'd like to make an impact on political and social policy. Isn't this the guy who wanted to start a speed dating service? The political and social repercussions of speed dating boggle the mind.
I've already closed him out, so the point is moot, but I feel like I know much more about him now than I ever got from EH. The MM profile info makes it much easier to make a decision. I guess the question is whether this is a good or bad thing. I suppose the EH model works from the premise that establishing compatibility is the most important thing. From there, you work to get to know these other things about your matches as part of emailing, talking, and dating. Maybe that is better—it prevents you from eliminating someone you might be compatible with because of an unimportant quirk like swing dancing. I think EH propounds that as long as you're compatible, you can work around any differences, assuming a spark of some kind ignites. Still, it's hard to generate any excitement for a match when you know so little about him. You're really just putting your faith in the man behind the curtain who determines that you're compatible. And the various services that work from more traditional profiles condition you to expect a lot of information right off the bat, which is why EH frustrates someone like me. We want the information immediately available, at our fingertips, instead of working to pry it out from the person.
Well, anyway, I now feel bad about closing out Rob for some reason, even though I still don't find him attractive. Not repulsive by any means, just not for me. I do feel badly about pulling the abrupt, out-of-the-blue termination, but it's been done to me. That's probably why I feel bad about it—I know what it's like on the receiving end.
Jeff replied—he's preparing to watch football today. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that a large chunk of my day would comprise reading the paper in front of the Bears game, but I'm not feeling inspired and had to write something. He closed with "BTW, u look good!"
I sent a "friendly reminder" (“just checking in—are things still crazy for you?”) to OREGONGUY, who previously asked me to stay single for 10 days. Could turn him off (I'm henpecking already!), but who cares? I haven't invested anything there.
Email from big10fan1 in Match. No photo, but he offered to send one. He really liked my profile and thinks we might be a good match. And he closed with my signature “Take Care.” I'm shooting a quick reply—“Sure, send a photo.”
Ruled one guy out because he's wearing a fanny pack in his photo.
***
Just jumped online to check the football results for fantasy. OK—and to check if I had any lovin' action. I received responses in MM from Jeff and ABSTRACT. Jeff cheered the Bears' victory and then moved right to asking if we should get together: "are we to celebrate this victory sometime?" Now, mind you, he's shorter than me and lives in Schaumburg, which translates to me as all the more reason to cut to the chase, so I'll give him the thumb’s up, although probably not until tomorrow.
ABSTRACT, or Ed, is a 37-year-old college professor living in Ravenswood, less than five miles from me. He's usually on time and looking for a long-term relationship. His profile revealed a lot of similarities between us but not too many—I'm not sure he even mentioned professional sports. He's more into films (regular, not art), which works for me. He's liberal, spent too many years in Catholic school, wants to live in a warmer climate. According to his profile, he has a lot going for him. Him, I've replied to already (he responded to my introductory email), about the climate issue and clarifying my pet peeve of "chronic procrastination," which he had touched on in his email. The idea of dating a college-level teacher appeals to me a lot.
Did I mention Ed included his Briggs-Meyer type (ENFP) in his profile? I can't remember exactly what mine is, but I know it's not ENFP because E is for extrovert, and mine begins with I, introvert. Going over his profile again, I see lots of things I can reference in email, but I think I'll try holding back this time. Let's meet and then talk (although not too much, too quick).
An email also came in from a new guy, PILOT819. His profile is scant, without a photo (he did offer in his email to send one). He probably thinks being a tall pilot who makes more than $250,000 is enough. Not for this cowgirl. Probably.
Big10fan1 sent two photos. He's not particularly attractive or unattractive, but the photos look like they're of two different people. I'll decide how to proceed on that tomorrow. And the Icebreaker from Emode (acre8ivid). I can guess my reaction to that right now.
While in EH, I'm requesting communication with Dave and checking out Eddie, a new match. I also need to respond to the shorter guy in MM who dropped his desire to have kids when pressed (Jeff, I think). Oops—guess I won't check out Eddie—he's closed me out already. Ouch. Well, not really, because he indicated he's pursuing another relationship. Of course, seconds earlier, I checked the same box when I was closing down Rob, for what it's worth.
Two new emails in Yahoo. I'm immediately ready to attribute it to having re-worked my profile, but that's probably jumping to conclusions. Yep—one email is from Yahoo, alerting me that my profile changes have been approved. The other is from big_fella55779, not a promising moniker at first glance. In his email, he says he's 6'6” and 185 pounds (that seems a little on the skimpy side), is 30, lives in Valparaiso, and wants kids. That makes it easy, as does the fact that his profile isn't viewable.
Ah ha!! Thought I'd run a quick search on MM while I was in there, and Rob came up. We've achieved three stars on the Matchmeter, and he satisfies my Matchmarker. He's East Indian, makes $100,000-$150,000, and thinks he has a nice butt. He likes swing dancing, Linkin Park, and Incubus. He likes clean teeth—how unusual. Do you really have to specify that? In five years, he'd like to make an impact on political and social policy. Isn't this the guy who wanted to start a speed dating service? The political and social repercussions of speed dating boggle the mind.
I've already closed him out, so the point is moot, but I feel like I know much more about him now than I ever got from EH. The MM profile info makes it much easier to make a decision. I guess the question is whether this is a good or bad thing. I suppose the EH model works from the premise that establishing compatibility is the most important thing. From there, you work to get to know these other things about your matches as part of emailing, talking, and dating. Maybe that is better—it prevents you from eliminating someone you might be compatible with because of an unimportant quirk like swing dancing. I think EH propounds that as long as you're compatible, you can work around any differences, assuming a spark of some kind ignites. Still, it's hard to generate any excitement for a match when you know so little about him. You're really just putting your faith in the man behind the curtain who determines that you're compatible. And the various services that work from more traditional profiles condition you to expect a lot of information right off the bat, which is why EH frustrates someone like me. We want the information immediately available, at our fingertips, instead of working to pry it out from the person.
Well, anyway, I now feel bad about closing out Rob for some reason, even though I still don't find him attractive. Not repulsive by any means, just not for me. I do feel badly about pulling the abrupt, out-of-the-blue termination, but it's been done to me. That's probably why I feel bad about it—I know what it's like on the receiving end.
Jeff replied—he's preparing to watch football today. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that a large chunk of my day would comprise reading the paper in front of the Bears game, but I'm not feeling inspired and had to write something. He closed with "BTW, u look good!"
I sent a "friendly reminder" (“just checking in—are things still crazy for you?”) to OREGONGUY, who previously asked me to stay single for 10 days. Could turn him off (I'm henpecking already!), but who cares? I haven't invested anything there.
Email from big10fan1 in Match. No photo, but he offered to send one. He really liked my profile and thinks we might be a good match. And he closed with my signature “Take Care.” I'm shooting a quick reply—“Sure, send a photo.”
Ruled one guy out because he's wearing a fanny pack in his photo.
***
Just jumped online to check the football results for fantasy. OK—and to check if I had any lovin' action. I received responses in MM from Jeff and ABSTRACT. Jeff cheered the Bears' victory and then moved right to asking if we should get together: "are we to celebrate this victory sometime?" Now, mind you, he's shorter than me and lives in Schaumburg, which translates to me as all the more reason to cut to the chase, so I'll give him the thumb’s up, although probably not until tomorrow.
ABSTRACT, or Ed, is a 37-year-old college professor living in Ravenswood, less than five miles from me. He's usually on time and looking for a long-term relationship. His profile revealed a lot of similarities between us but not too many—I'm not sure he even mentioned professional sports. He's more into films (regular, not art), which works for me. He's liberal, spent too many years in Catholic school, wants to live in a warmer climate. According to his profile, he has a lot going for him. Him, I've replied to already (he responded to my introductory email), about the climate issue and clarifying my pet peeve of "chronic procrastination," which he had touched on in his email. The idea of dating a college-level teacher appeals to me a lot.
Did I mention Ed included his Briggs-Meyer type (ENFP) in his profile? I can't remember exactly what mine is, but I know it's not ENFP because E is for extrovert, and mine begins with I, introvert. Going over his profile again, I see lots of things I can reference in email, but I think I'll try holding back this time. Let's meet and then talk (although not too much, too quick).
An email also came in from a new guy, PILOT819. His profile is scant, without a photo (he did offer in his email to send one). He probably thinks being a tall pilot who makes more than $250,000 is enough. Not for this cowgirl. Probably.
Big10fan1 sent two photos. He's not particularly attractive or unattractive, but the photos look like they're of two different people. I'll decide how to proceed on that tomorrow. And the Icebreaker from Emode (acre8ivid). I can guess my reaction to that right now.
posted by Bemused @ 8:39 AM
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