Dec. 5, 2003: Contradictions

Greg II emailed last night about meeting for coffee. I was hoping he wouldn't follow through on that threat. And he was very flattering ("Considering you look naturally beautiful in your pictures, in addition to being tall, highly educated and successful, I would like very much to meet for coffee after work.") and offered to come to my neighborhood. But our phone call did absolutely nothing for me. I don't know what to do.

I received an email from a new guy on Match. He wrote:

"So it's early Thursday evening, what better to do than try to meet a complete stranger over the internet? I liked your profile, and if you ask me, I'd tell you that I have the sense of humor and approach to life you may be looking for, among other qualities."

I realized I've reached the point that I have low expectations for Match, so I was pleasantly surprised to see this guy, Mike, posted cute photos. He's 37, lives in the city, and his profile reads well, too. Ah—he wants kids "someday." So I guess I'll send the always-lyrical "I don't … who knows what might have been?"

Over in Yahoo, eight Icebreakers await me (several are lodged in the winks section on Match, too, but for some reason, I've stopped checking those). I'm going to scan these, just to move through them. Good Lord, one guy posted a shirtless photo of himself holding a camera, presumably taking the very photo I had the good fortune to see. He's not exactly buff—why go shirtless? Another photo shows him and a woman—well, a silhouette of a woman. She's been blocked out. Nice.

Another guy, passionatecoach, writes that "Personal growth/spirituality is a big focus in my life, and I've integrated that into my career where I empower people to make their dreams a reality." Well, for God's sake, why would you just send an Icebreaker, rather than write an actual email, if you're so empowered? "I love to connect with people," he writes. And yet …

In MM, I've received one email, from NEVERTELL447. He's 46-50, lives in Naperville, and posts no photo. I won't even bother detailing his poor spelling. Oh, and he's married. And quite conservative—how conservative can you be if you're married and still trolling online? He's not a pig, though—he's "seeking an occasional lover/casual relationship." Where do I sign? That sounds great.

Hmmm. Mike from Match replied:

"I'm not dead set on having kids, I've made it this far in my life without them, so... I'm just not opposed to having them. I guess I just wanted to say to you something to the effect of - if you are interested I would hate for the whole being a mother thing to be a deal breaker, I'm more of the thought that I need to be happy in a relationship that I think is going somewhere before the thought of children even enters the equation... make sense? Hopefully...

Having said that, if you're interested, I would still like to meet you, and if not, well I wish you the best."

Besides the fact that it's always a positive when someone with a good profile wants to meet, I'm awfully intrigued by his admission that he's not dead set on having kids, just not opposed. Classic marketing ploy—his profile plays to his audience ("women all want kids, right?"). I suspect a lot of guys feel this way. Or, at least, I want to believe that. Anyway, I'll reply. After all, who can pass up someone who describes himself as "sometimes sarcastic, often funny, never boring"? Especially when he's 6'3"? Of course, after getting James' post-audition critique, now I'm paranoid about coming off as guarded and stiff. Geez—that's so like me. Why can't I seize on the stuff about being smart and attractive? Whatever.

Speaking of James, tonight is our oddly-arranged date. I'm a little sluggish today, though, after the wine tasting last night, so a nap might be in order. I generally don't allow naps during the day—I do work, dammit!—but I can make an exception when so much is on the line. I'm kidding about that (really!), but the whole thing with James is truly bizarre. I can't imagine how things will go tonight. Frankly, if it goes at all well, it seems perfectly natural that we'd end up sleeping together, but for the fact that I've got my period. Anyway, I just don't know what to think going in—will this be tense ("make or break!") or relaxed ("it's so funny that we had that email exchange yesterday")?
***
Mike from Match replied, and now we're making plans to meet. Boy, am I over my original "preferred protocol." Talk about throwing all caution to the wind (I should point out that I always provide my friend Roberta with contact information on these guys before I go out with them; still, going to James' place so soon is a little over the top).

I'm torn, though, on what to do about Greg. He proposed coffee Wednesday or Thursday afternoon. Thursday is definitely out because I have a conflict, but I could do Wednesday. Should I bother? I feel badly that he "very much" wants to meet me. Was he on the same phone call? On the other hand, I think maybe I shouldn't be so cavalier—that I can't really afford to toss aside someone who's interested. What to do, what to do.
***
I'm just about ready to head over to James' for dinner. I have no idea what to expect—what will we do after dinner? Will there be all sorts of candor and heartfelt honesty? Will there be kissing? Strangely, I'm not particularly nervous. I figure I'll know in a matter of hours whether to be excited or whether to move on and not look back. Our email exchange was certainly unusual, especially as we barely know each other, but the lack of game playing is refreshing.

While I was primping for tonight, I also was mulling the Greg-coffee situation. I was 95 percent of the way to agreeing to meet—how horrible can coffee be? But then I remembered his voice. I just can't imagine listening to that on a regular basis. I'll wait until tomorrow morning to respond, but I've totally flipped and now am leaning heavily toward politely declining. I would never not reply, though.

Mike from Match asked if I wanted to get together for a drink tomorrow night! Saturday night! It's then or next Thursday. My schedule is becoming rather hectic—going out tomorrow would make five consecutive nights. My newspapers are piling up, not to mention my magazines. But I do like to get on with things. He's already left his office but sent me his cell number. I'll wait until tomorrow and see how I feel. My friend Libby and I are taking in a matinee at the Steppenwolf tomorrow, so I'll already be out and about. We'll see.