Nov. 28, 2003: The biggest shopping day of the year

OK, then—time to make a fresh start. I'm goin' a-huntin'. Today I'll check out MM and maybe Yahoo if I have time. I'll make the rounds on Match soon, too, but first I'm going to revise my profile. I've decided to alter one of my profiles to make it much less wordy and revealing and see what happens. So little has been happening for me on Match, and my profile there has staled because I've been a member for so long, so it makes the most sense to play around with variables on that site. I haven't even been looking at my winks on Match, so I should re-engage with the site that started it all for me.

My new headline in Match reads "Looking for a hiking partner and more …" I pared down my interests, deleting references to running, golf, and tennis, instead summing those up with "outdoor activities." That's in addition to "reading, dining out, movies, plays, travel, professional sports, etc." I left the sections about what I last read and my political leanings blank.

My "About Me" now says only:

"I just returned from the beautiful Hawaiian island of Kauai, where the hiking was incredible but maybe not that safe for a solo traveler. I really could have used a hiking partner (not to mention golf, tennis, and, um, ‘other’ activities). Any takers? P.S. My photos show me during and after one of the Kauai hikes."

Kind of racy for me, ay? With that subtle (subtle as a high-powered colonic) reference to, well, sex. As for the photos, I might as well get some more use out of the dress photos I took for Greg's benefit. I probably should not use the photo of me mid-hike (in hat, t-shirt, and shorts), but I'll leave it up for now.

In "About My Match," I deleted references to taking initiative in both his life and our relationship, mutual physical attraction, and news junkies. It now reads:

"I'm looking for someone with a well-worn sense of humor, including an appreciation for sarcasm; non-pretentious intelligence; and honesty. Basically, I’d like to meet someone with a 'business casual' attitude—relaxed, comfortable, and easy-going, but serious and dependable when it matters."

Over on Yahoo, my search criteria produced 231 profiles. My mantra as I review them: Must be more open-minded, must be more open-minded.
***
Well, I browsed through 90 Yahoo profiles and sent emails to about 10 guys. I tried hard to be less picky and think I succeeded. I wrote to guys with kids and goatees, a guy who mentioned green tea and aikido, and a couple suburbanites. It's now getting dangerously close to officially being Friday night, though, and it won't do to be caught searching on a Friday night (even if I don't have any plans).

I wrote to one guy who I'd passed over previously because one of his photos is a black-and-white glamour shot of him posing shirtless and sculpted, with his thumb coyly pulling out the waist of his jeans. His headline says "Very athletic man looking for match!" I assumed he was using "athletic" as code for "buff," but in his profile he writes only that "I think I am somewhat attractive." And his primary photo shows him cuddling a beagle like baby. He also said that he's not in a hurry to jump into a relationship because he just ended a 16-year marriage. On the other hand, he says he's relatively new to the dating scene because he married right out of college. Hmmm … maybe that could work to my advantage. So, anyway, I overcame my initial resistance and wrote him.

I always assume that guys who are such hard bodies are looking for the same, but perhaps I should give them more credit. I mentioned in my email that I'm in the process of getting back in shape after the rib fracture, but I hope I didn't imply a normal level of fitness that I don't actually sustain. Whoa—getting ahead of myself.

I came across several profiles that showed some questionable judgment on the part of the guy. For example, one guy's username is neverhavefun. Doesn't he know girls just wanna have fun? Or does he think he'll generate some sympathy? Then there's the guy who's practically sneering at the camera, giving the hang-ten hand gesture. And the guy who posts several shirtless photos with his belly protruding over his waistband. One guy boasts about being himself, and yet he posts a photo of George Clooney. Finally, another guy's primary photo shows him at a cemetery. If you bother opening his profile, you'll see that he's at his dad's gravesite in Arlington Cemetery, but first impressions count and his is macabre, if not ghoulish.

Over in MM, I found emails from two mustachioed fellas. THEHAWK wrote that he wanted to extend wishes for a very safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving. Um, okay, thanks. He's 41-45, doesn't drink, does smoke, and lives in the south suburbs. SABATAKI264 wrote that these things are hard to start, so he'll just start by asking what I like to read. But he's got multiple tattoos and wants kids. He's also either a firefighter or a cop. While I find that sexy, I've never wanted to pursue anything with someone in such dangerous occupations.

Emode continues to send me emails. The latest shows four guys, including the red-headed Native American. I just can't shake him. One of the guys looks like a Village People intern, with a black leather hat pulled down over a baby face and a bare, hairy chest. Or maybe not—his turnoffs include people in uniform. And manners—how attractive in a man. Turnons? Those include baby talk.